Silence

 

Had silence been the answer,

Love would not have been badmouthed,
Friendship would not have been tagged a “business”.

Had silence been the answer,

I would have received the answers long back,
The questions would have ended long back.

I wish silence had been the answer,
Then love would not have lost its respect,
And friendships would still be smiling.

Break the silence and tell me,
Is that all you have as an answer?
Because silence is not an answer

– Paranjaya Mehra

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The tension of opposites

Sometimes, not taking a decision seems the easier choice. Sometimes… You want someone, you want something, yet you don’t.

Public speaking owned as big a place in his heart as her. He loved public speaking even before the time he loved her. As is said, you need to stay in touch with the podium, develop with it as friendly a bond as possible. It’s tough to gain your confidence back after you give up on public speaking once but wish to start again. He wished the same.

Long back he gave up on the two love of his life, public speaking and her. He wished to have both of them back. A chance knocked his door. A poster about a public speaking event was sent to him by his friend. He wanted to take this opportunity and prove to himself that he still can speak as good as compared to his school days. Preparations began, not for winning the prize but for winning his confidence back. He was about to face an audience after years. His friend was giving him full moral support.

He didn’t have the least of this idea that she would be there at the event too. When he got to know of her presence at the event, he felt a lump inside his heart. Could he face both these things together? He was smiling to his ears at the thought of getting to see her but at the same time something inside him told him he didn’t have the courage to face her. Already, the public speaking preparation was demanding a lot of courage. He didn’t have more.

Stuck somewhere in the tension of opposites… He thought, should I take part? Shouldn’t I take part? He asked himself, “Will I be able to face the audience? ” Yes, came the reply.

He asked again, “will I be able to face her?”… With it began the battle of opposites between his heart which longed to see her and his brain which told him he’ll not be able to.

May be… Sometimes, you can gather enough courage to face a thousand eyes confidently yet fall short of courage to face those two eyes.

The bumpy road

Wouldn’t life be much easier if at every turn on the life’s road we have this board stating “caution : rough road ahead” to warn us against all the twists and turns  life holds in store for us. Sadly, we don’t have the privilege of this board and thus with all our might we travel through the bumpy road…

School life was good. She was always in teacher’s good books, always the one who got duties to do, a champ at public speaking. She had some people around her whom she called friends. Unaware of what was ahead, they spent their days happily. The road wasn’t bumpy for her back then may be because school was a time when all of them were under a protective cover, away from the atrocities one faces in the big bad world.

All good things come to an end. So did school. At that point of time she was looking forward to what everyone described as “the rocking college life.”. Yeah!  She breathed a sigh of relief. Done with school. Finally a graduation student.

The day came. The journey began and so began experiences of a lifetime. Nobody had warned her to no more be the child at heart as she was in school. Nobody told her she will judged for everything she does as well as for everything she doesn’t. Nobody told her there will be times when she will have to stand all by herself. Time was to tell all this to her.

Time is the best teacher but may be she wasn’t a good student. Time began it’s lessons. She always failed the exam because she could never understand what was going around her, what was happening to the people around. Till the time she could understand and react, it was all done.

What began as a journey with the promise of togetherness with some unknown people had started to turn bitter. She realised that yesterday who was laughing with her was now laughing on her. Bitter walls of judgement had been built. May be that is how it is. Who knows? This question paper wasn’t easy as those in schools.

Now she is half way done with that “rocking college life” and completely done with some people 😛 Yes, college is rocking. Rocking enough to turn you and your life upside down. 😛

May be years later she will miss these bitching sessions, these lectures,  these arguments, these friends, these frenemies, these ego clashes and the list goes on. May be years later she will thank all these days and all these people for shaping her into someone solid enough to face the big bad world.

For now…  She has learnt to enjoy the bumpy ride and let it go because that’s the only option she has.

 

The hidden identity

Curious, I pick up a book

The writer unknown to me

I enter someone else’s world

To explore the life they lived

To feel the love they lost

To embrace the joy they felt

To share the pain they hid

I begin to explore the world unknown.

The joyous ride begins

I meet and greet new people on the way

I read who they are

Their name known, their face unknown,

Yet in them I find a reality of my own.

Then comes the time to bid goodbye

By the time I close the last page,

I have found a friend,

Who is sitting seas away frome me

Neither whose face I know nor his name

All I know of him is what he writes.

 

मुलाकात

तुम्हारे पास से गुज़र रहा था तो सोचा मिल लेता हूँ। कल की तरह, आज भी चल दिया तुम्हारे आशियाने की ओर। पहुँचा तो देखा दरवाज़ा खुला था और तुम आज भी खिड़की के पास बैठे कहीं खोए हुए थे। कुछ देर तुम्हारे सामने यह आस लगाए बैठा रहा कि तुम अपनी दुनिया से बाहर निकलोगे तो खुशी से मेरा स्वागत करोगे। लेकिन ऐसा हुआ नहीं। तुम्हें कुछ करीब से देखा तो एक आँसू बहता दिखा। मुझसे खफा थे तो डांट लेते, पास ही तो बैठा था। क्या कुछ कहना चाहते थे? बोला क्यों नहीं। कभी दोस्त समझकर मुझसे भी बातें करना, वादा रहा, निराश नहीं करूँगा।

बीते कल में कब कोई अपना घर बसा पायाा?

सामने देख, समय नए रूप में है लौटकर आया।

बस फिर उसी समय वहाँ से चल दिया, ना जाने किस ओरम। सोचा, जो खुशी से पुकार लेगा उसके घर चल दूँगा। एक खत लिखकर वहाँ तुम्हारे पास रख दिया था। आशा करता हूँ तुमने पढ़ा होगा।

“कल एक नए रूप में फिर दसतक दूँगा। आशा है कि पहचान लोगे और स्वागत करोगे।”
– समय